Wanting it to be special, I rented a tuxedo (just like at prom)

I just stared at the screen thinking of some witty title I could put that would analogize this first post to the first time I had the chance to experience "congress" with a woman. "Poppin' cherries" was the obvious first choice, but it seemed a little heavy handed and classless. I don't want to lose the respect of the readers I'll never have on this, my virgin post. In the same vein, "spreading creme bruelle on your titties!" didn't have the distinguished tone I wanted either. So I settle for the working title above, one that is far to tenuous to make sense and is in fact, a lie. I didn't get to know anyone in the biblical sense after my prom and instead of renting a tux I borrowed my dad's.

Honestly, I'm just excited to have a reason to use the internet that doesn't involve looking at pornography. It's the little things in life, isn't it?