white balls, red sox, any questions?

I'm not much of one for baseball most of the time (though I am one for typographical errors) but I watched the entire post season and it was very satisfying. There were a bunch of reasons, from filling my lonely and endless nights with something to look forward to besides chronic self flaggelation to watching the Yankees shit the bed in a most imperial fashion. The sox really put it on the ass of the cards and that's nice, since I don't have to hear legions of self-loathing misery addicts bemoan their choosen fate anymore. Now they won and they're just another team. The moral of the story here is that if you're a person whose a consumate loser, you suck; if you are a fan of a perennial loser franchise (sox, whalers, cubs, Hardee's) that means you have grit and dedication. So really there is no moral, I just wanted to sound deep and it failed miserably. does that mean I have grit and determination?

I apologize for the total dearth of workable humor in this post.

Ladies Love Cool Jews!

I know LL Cool J only raps for the ladies now and is more interested in oiling his abs than hot shit lyrics, but I still think he's great. What seems like 10 million years in the game and still getting up in rap's ass, how many can say that. Big Daddy Kane and Kool Moe Dee are collecting social security and guv cheese while LL goes top ten again, so that's longevity. Like I said, now all he's about is telling girls how much he loves them and breaking them off till they foam at the mowf, but it pays the bills and keeps him in the game. I still remember when he could keep it grimey and hot (ex: 4,3,2,1, his verse on that was hot and canibus is still a bitch).

The new snoop/neptunes track...the neptunes could syncopate a fart and have vanilla ice (or brian austin green) spit absolute lead over it and the shit would go gold, at least. It blows my fucking mind.

PS-Xzibit should stick to pimping rides, because his new single might as well have dropped in 1999 it sounds that fresh. And quit trying to look so hard, we all know you love white suburbia.

PPS-The latest beastie boys is the hot fire they made asbestos for and that can't stop it from burning down the block. The coolest jews on the planet, I'm sure they had the flyest bar mitz's ever.

New Jersey & You: Perfect Together

if you love chrome on your acura, venereal disease, punching people in the face and frosting your tips. Honestly, I love New Jersey because America has mistakenly thought it to be the breeding grounds for (rich) white trash. Strong Island is and always will be the breeding grounds for the white trash jet set (read: monied, privileged). Jersey is the breeding grounds for middle class WT, which is more about steriods, thug posturing and unprotected sex than their upscale kin to the east. Since Jersey is crowded and classy, it must be pointed out that the true proving grounds for NJWT is the Jersey Shore. If Ultimate Fighting were co-ed, the ring was explanded to 15 miles of coastal property and having sex was just as viable an option as choking someone till they blacked out, then no one would go to the Jersey Shore because they would all be there. but it isn't, so the beach air is redolent with drakkar and the only sea breaze they will remember was the last one they drank.

The only reason I bring this up is because MTV is having True Life: I'm a Jersey Shore Girl on tonight and I am far too excited. On a personal note, I have a whole grip of family in New jersey and none of them grew up into the overly obnoxious, aggressive and socially unnacceptable type of person I am bound to see on the television tonight. I wish so bad they had.

MC Complainsalot On Tha' Mic...

I picked up the new Roots album, "The Tipping Point", a little while back. I've been giving it some run and it's high quality, just like everything else they put out. There's one track in particular "Boom" where Black Thought (herein referred to as 'BT') just kills it, raps like an avalanche. I'm listening to this, hearing him spit 30 plus bars of hot fire before a chorus and wondering why doesn't BT get more shine for his rapping? Philly has a pretty prominant roster of MC's and if things were based on talent, BT would be on top. Honestly, who else is there? Freeway has his moments once you get used to his style, flow and the fact that his lyrics don't rhyme. Beanie Siegal? Nope. When I heard "The Truth" I couldn't stop thinking how his horrible lyrics compromised a hot track. If you rhyme the same word 5 or so times, is that the hot shit? Philly's Most Wanted? The Neptunes turned them into the Clipse, I'm sure of it. Cassidy? Skills, lyrically, for sure, but his pop star/Teen Beat mugging fucks up his credibility. So who else is there? Will Smith & Jazzy Jeff? "Summertime"'s a classic and I liked Jeff's recent solo. Doesn't matter, not when you boast about keeping your lyrics clean and introduced "getting jiggy wit it" into the middle-age suburban lexicon.

Honestly, I don't know the Philly scene that much. I just love to talk shit and think that BT doesn't get enough shine as an MC.

Expect a lot of posts like this. And by 'this' I mean wildly uninformed.

To: The Unwashed Masses...

I enjoy writing as though I'm addressing some giant, ethereal horde, especially when I imagine everyone just waiting with bated breath for the next entry. Sadly (realistically), I'm more or less writing for myself. Unless I looked like Lindsay Lohan and started posting semi-nudes, I'm sure site traffic will be relatively thin. In other news, I'm excited that it only took 2 posts for me to mention a celebrity and the term "semi-nude" in the same sentence. Very Page-Six, if you will.

Pretensious pseudo sociological complaint/mission statement: Because of the self-reflective nature of blogs, they tend to be Narcissus' modern day reflecting pool. I know that's no surprise. Christ, it's nothing more than "dear diary" with people hoping to read it instead of ferreting it away under their mattress. Facts are facts, most people lead uninteresting lives filed with trivialities that they don't even fined interesting. I am no different, so I'm going to try and keep this anon and not cater to my massive impulse for self-aggrandizement (though I will cater to my massive impulse for self-deprecation, but since you don't know me I'm sure it will be with uneven results).

I promise I'll try my best to curb the run on sentences in the future.

Wanting it to be special, I rented a tuxedo (just like at prom)

I just stared at the screen thinking of some witty title I could put that would analogize this first post to the first time I had the chance to experience "congress" with a woman. "Poppin' cherries" was the obvious first choice, but it seemed a little heavy handed and classless. I don't want to lose the respect of the readers I'll never have on this, my virgin post. In the same vein, "spreading creme bruelle on your titties!" didn't have the distinguished tone I wanted either. So I settle for the working title above, one that is far to tenuous to make sense and is in fact, a lie. I didn't get to know anyone in the biblical sense after my prom and instead of renting a tux I borrowed my dad's.

Honestly, I'm just excited to have a reason to use the internet that doesn't involve looking at pornography. It's the little things in life, isn't it?